I'm oh so good...

Oh PeterPan!

2009-07-18T05:44:57Z

Why can't I read what any of my friends have wrote?
I need to be in bed sleeping but instead I'm reading old entries of a boy I love.
Goodnight NeverNeverLand

Holy shit I'm writing!

2008-07-24T08:41:53Z

It's been almost two years since I last wrote anything in here. So many things have happened that if I were to begin to think about writing all of it down, my head would explode.
Let's stick with this:
Things have been bad.
Things have been good.
And that I'm still alive.

I'm going to bed!

goodatxgivingup @ 2006-04-10T16:28:00

2006-04-10T20:29:44Z

!Bang!
Shoots self.
Falls dead.
The end.

goodatxgivingup @ 2006-03-27T23:53:00

2006-03-28T05:03:28Z

I'm updating my journal. Isn't that amazing? I'm moving in with Will. That's exciting. No more updating...except I'm hungry.

Jaguar

2005-12-03T20:56:53Z

Blah, Blah, Blah
It's becoming Christmas and that makes me happy.
I'm very tired right now and get the wonderful pleasure of going to work in about a half hour. Sounds like fun! *thumbs up with sarcastic face*
I pay for my 1988 Jaguar xj6 tomorrow and that's exciting.
It's pretty!
Leave me some nice comments and I'll show you pictures of my new car.

Stick it in my eye

2005-10-04T17:18:25Z

YOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS?...being a girl.
I have an eyelash in my eye and it hurts.
Things are well. I go to the doctors today...no fun.
John totalled one of our cars, not fun either.
I'm hungry so I'm going to go get food.
Chinese!!!!
<3333

goodatxgivingup @ 2005-08-21T16:04:00

2005-08-21T21:04:12Z

*Rolls eyes*
I hate feeling like crying for no good reason.

-The end-

I don't want to be right back where I started from...

2005-06-06T22:51:05Z

Vamooooosss went my entry.
Devin's bed will here on out be known as the most comfortable bed EVER!.
The rain was strenuous and helpful this weekend. I worked for 9 hours without a break on Thursday and then drove to Devin's. It caused for a lot of people to come into the theater. When it was time for me to leave, the rain prevented it. I was thankful for that. Finally after everything cleared I had to leave. I cried to Devin, I cried to my dad on the phone, and I cried as the music played in my car and I headed down 69 to come home. It's times of leaving that make me realize how much I care about him. Like the way I felt when you were close. And the stars explode, every time you were near. He's so amazing that I can't even put it into words. I'm praying that he is the person I'm supposed to end up with. I'm really at a loss with words here. But it's time for dinner and I have to set the table.

goodatxgivingup @ 2005-05-08T17:54:00

2005-05-08T22:56:08Z

I'm at home.

Things are all better.

Except that I'm at home.
And it sucks here.

And the computer sucks.

goodatxgivingup @ 2005-05-04T23:57:00

2005-05-05T05:10:39Z

He really didn't have to say it.
And just thinking about those words makes the tears come to my eyes even more.
My tears feel like acid on my cheeks.
Whatever I said is a blur now.
But it will all be okay in the morning.
He said he's not mad...
maybe he's not now...
but he had to of been when he said those three little words.
Fuck.
Off.
Then.
Ouch...that's how I'm feeling.
So screw this feeling.
I'm gonna do something to cheer myself up.
I just don't know what that will be.

Will you read?

2005-04-25T23:15:03Z

So I guess this is a big fuck you to the world.
It seems as though everything is just shitty right now.
I mean come on, it's one thing after another after another.
I get a few fucking hours with him a day.
Sometimes, when I'm lucky, I get the whole day.
Though it's never dedicated to me.
But most nights it's just one thing after another.
And I'm dealing with it.
But then there's the thing of friends.
Ha, what friends?
The only phone calls I've got in the past couple of weeks have been from my brothers, parents, or grandma.
Now that's a life, let me tell you!
I'm so fucking sick of this.
All this.
School isn't going well, though if you ask I'll lie and straight up tell you it is.
So don't ask.
I just wish someone would call me and invite ME to do something.
It's never an issue of having time with me.
I can make all the fucking time in the world.
But no one ever calls.
It's just the same night over and over again.
Me, I wish I was pretty.
I wish I had a lovable name, like Cecil (just a name I like, no one I know).
Maybe then I'd be admired or at least get called to do things.
Shit just doesn't ever seem to go right.
It's like he is the only good thing in my life, and lately all we've done is fight.
Of course it's fine in the morning.
But I am always in tears during it.
Shit like this doesn't need to be happening.
I feel like crying now.
And I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm a jerk who doesn't deserve what I have...why can't I be happy with what I have?

2005-04-13T05:12:58Z

Sometimes I'm a real jerkface. Especially to Devin. I.heart.him. very much but get upset when I don't get my way. Then I get all emotional and cry like I did tonight. I cry because I realize how stupid I can be. He means so much to me and I don't want to lose him. Also the stress of school is getting to me. Like crazy bad. No one will read this so I guess I'm just typing for myself. And if you do read this, well good for you. I hope you comprehend how much of a jerk I feel like half the time. I try to step back and put things into perspective though. Does anyone else not believe that saying -- Love means never having to say sorry? I hate that. Oh yea, there's also this creepy guy who keeps calling Jenny (my roommate) and my room. It's way, way creepy. He just breathes really heavily and makes noises. I just hung up the first time it happened. Jenny was hardcore asleep and the next day Devin said I was just dreaming it. BUT IT HAPPENED AGAIN. The second time whoever it was just hung up. Then last night IT HAPPENED AGAIN and Jenny answered the phone. So I wasn't crazy. Whoever calls, calls at like 4 in the morning and it's really inconvenient. If I find out who it is, I'll shoot them in the face. Anyway, I'm here tonight by myself and am terribly afraid that this person will call again. If they do I'm calling Devin and freaking out. Josh told me to call public safety but I don't know what they could do. *shrugs* So I'm going to watch some TV and then go to bed. Jerkiness, stress, and creepiness. K bye.

Blah

2005-03-20T01:12:29Z

Spring Break.
Going to punch my brother in the face.
Bored out of my mind.
Soon to see Devin...
that will be good.
Someone shoot me in the face.
That's all.

goodatxgivingup @ 2005-03-01T19:58:00

2005-03-02T01:03:46Z

I was going to make a list of things that made me happy today, but it's a very short list.
1. I saw a guy walking down the street eating a box of teddy grahams.
2. I got to read a lot in my book.
3. My fishie is swimming around in his new tank more than he has ever swam around EVER!
That's my list.
I guess other than that things aren't too great.
I'm trying to make them better though.
No one ever leaves me comments on here.
I would like some comments.

goodatxgivingup @ 2005-02-17T14:07:00

2005-02-17T19:10:31Z

I've decided it was time to update.
Valentine's Day was wonderful.
Devin made me spaghetti and chocolate covered strawberries.
I'm hardcore tired right now and no one really reads this so it doesn't matter.
I finished Lullaby yesterday and today I'm going to start on Survivor.
One of my fishies died today.
Rest in peace, Fredrick.
K bye.

Brand New is good!

2005-02-04T04:40:32Z

If you read this,
even if I don't speak to you often,
you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal to see what people remember about you.

Things are going well.
Some ups and downs
But I'm making it.
Valentine's Day is soon.
I wonder what I'll be doing.
Devin is wonderful.

<3

All of you are just jealous

2005-01-13T02:40:28Z

I have, quite possibly, the best boyfriend in the world.
So understanding.
So caring.
And so considerate.
Tons of fun.
Always calms me down.
All around, wonderful.

<3

Grrrrrrface

2005-01-04T18:53:22Z

aim is down.
So I won't be on it until I get back to school.
That will probably be Thursday.
If you see me on, don't IM me.
It only kicks me off.

In other news...
I can't wait until school starts.
My reese's are very good.
It's cold outside.
I want the "I can make a mess like nobody's business" cd.
I miss him.
<3

Wowzers!

2005-01-02T04:58:20Z

This past week has been one of the best.
Tuesday Josh and I went out to Ft. Wayne.
Devin picked me up.
Pink rose waiting for me.
Meet the parents. time.
Exchange gifts.
Two books, Reeses, and a new bracelet.
<3
Lots of movies watched over the next few days.
I shopped at the Gap.
Jeans for $19.99+
marked down from $58=
1 happy Laura.
Drive back home, we played lots of perdidle.
The score
Devin-5 Laura-7
Who rules!? Me!
More movies.
New Years Eve.
"Happy New Years!" *smile*
Cuddling.
Him leaving and me being sad.
I enjoy being with him, no matter what we do.

Movies
Fight Club
Anchor Man
Resident Evil 2
Life Aquatic
The Girl Next Door
Underworld
can't remember what else

Ed, I need your help to make things even better on here!

Great week.
Hope it happens again soon.
Can't wait until school starts.
<3

Always seeming to get better and better...

2004-12-28T04:27:49Z

So tomorrow I'm going and spending a few days with Devin.
I'm excited.
I got a Blondie shirt tonight.
On sale.
Christmas was okay.
Everything that is bad right now will soon be just fine.
Thinking positive has done me good.
Just saying, "I'm just going to shut my mouth," has also done me a lot of good.
Sorry guys for not writing interesting posts.
Maybe I'll have some stories when I come back from Devin.
So long...
<3

I'm happy around him

2004-12-24T23:58:10Z

Scott and I are having a conversation on why I miss Devin.
He said he hates me because I miss Devin.
Scott can't hate me though...
er I hope he can't.
It's sooo cold.
I need someone to cuddle with...
And I have the perfect boy in mind.
Devin!
Merry Christmas everbody.

It's cold

2004-12-23T23:42:34Z

It's cold.
Which means, I'm cold.
Very cold.
And because it's cold, it snowed.
A lot.
And because it snowed, I didn't get to go see Devin.
That makes me sad.
I'll be staying at his house on Tuesday and Wednesday though.
That will be exciting.
Okay, time to go.

Ouch!

2004-12-21T01:27:19Z

Holiday is okay.
Today has sucked hardcore.
It'll get better tonight when I can talk to Devin.
John is playing DDR right now, and it's annoying.
He hit me in the face with the door this morning.
Holiday gives me too much time to think.
I don't like that.
Last night the 'rents took me shopping.
I got my christmas outfit and that was entertaining.
New scarf and hat.
I'm sleepy.
<3

Here's a little thought...my thoughts

2004-12-09T03:30:41Z

The smell. Ick. This smell, at first I didn't know where it came from. It made me sick. Now I know exactly who to look for, for it. Him. The smell I learned to love for an hour and turn back to hate because of the pain and idioticy. Me the idiot. Him the, well, the one who knew how to play the games. I.Do.Not.Play.Games. Go ahead and thing I do. But I don't. I hate this smell. It's completely him. I never want to smell it again. Keep shaking. Keep feeling like puking. Keep being suffocated by that awful smell. If you do anything, don't move. You have to keep breathing. If you leave, you lose. And we can't have that. Oh no, not you. You lose? Heavens no! Just stay here and die mentally. You'll be so much better off for it. We promise. It will forever linger in this building. The smell. Every time you open a door to here you will lose it. Whatever it is. Your mind probably. You know you're losing that anyway. But, hey, it doesn't matter. You only loved that smell for an hour. You can hate it for forever now! Let's just forget like none of this ever happened. You're already doing it, so why can't I? Simple, I loved that smell. Even if it was just for an hour. Stop breathing. NOW! Just stop your mind, your breathing, your everything. Just to get rid of that smell. It seems pretty simple, doesn't it? Yeah, it does, but it's not. So, just leave. Just lose. Just get out and die. Then your body won't work properly, and you won't have to smell this awful stentch. Just lose and maybe then things won't mean as much as they do now, to you.
Just go.
Leave the smell.
Stop breathing.
Lose.
Go away.
Just go.

And the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you Alfalfa!"

2004-12-05T23:42:05Z

Has anyone ever really thought about the saying -- Don't cry over spilt milk.?
You spill the milk and then are sad.
You don't want to control how sad or upset you get.
What if that was the last milk you had and you had no way of getting anymore?
Or what if you just really, really, really wanted that glass of milk?
Now you can't have it.
Y-O-U C-A-N-'-T E-F-F-I-N-G H-A-V-E I-T-!
To me, life has been this way a lot lately.
The world is out toget me, it's against me in every way, shape and form. And there's not a darn thing I can do about it.
I have to sit back and watch that glass of milk spill. Know how I can't go out and get more. And know how much I was thursting that glass of milk.
Things are so out of my reach.
When I get a simple touch, a tiny grasp, I lose it like that *snaps fingers*.
Well losing things sucks, and I'd know how much it sucks.
I just want to sleep right now...and not wake up.
Long nights, tear filled eyes, and anxiety attacks next 6 months.

"If you say this makes you happy, then I'm not the only one lying."
"...but you wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and slit your throat..."